I feel like I write this same post over and over. I also feel like at almost 30 I should have this more figured out. I should have myself more figured out. I should also at this point like myself and also learn to not care if someone else doesn't. But for whatever reason I haven't gotten there yet. I have done therapy (didn't help), I have done depression meds (still not sure they are helping), I have prayed (over and over and over), gone to church, read my scriptures and still can't seem to figure this out. Does there come a point where magically you learn to love/like yourself. Where you don't look in the mirror every morning and tear apart everything you see? Where you learn to let other's thoughts roll off your back? I'm assuming that in order to become vulnerable and let someone else (read, husband/boyfriend, what have you) in that I'm going to have to reach that point. Any ideas? Also any ideas on how to stop sabotaging myself? I think I get so dang afraid of being what I envision as where I should be (body wise) that as soon as I start losing weight I start to eat like crap again and quit exercising. I just don't know how to stop the cycle. So any ideas on that as well?
1 comment:
Hi sweetie, I hope you can give yourself the same generosity you give others. You were always so kind to me even though we have similar issues. You never berated me or gave me any abuse. Please don't give up on yourself. You are worth the effort. You know your friends love you as you are right now. We don't think,"When she gets her stuff together, or when she loses weight we'll love her." Nope, You are great already.
Maybe you can find a way to channel all that energy into positive creativity. You can call me any time to talk or come over for a creativity fest. I have lots of fabric and craft supplies and I don't mind sharing. I'm suggesting this because I find when I don't create things because of being busy or out of some perverse desire to be miserable, my energy turns inward and I don't like myself at all. I get more depressed and I feel like my soul is dying slowly. I feel we are designed to create since we are the children of a Creator.
I wish I had the answers for you, Darlin' I don't of course, only love.
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